The great things about having unclear understanding of what your heart tell you, is that you won’t get bored. I used to do thing without too much thinking, nothing holds me back. However, having this newly introduced “asking myself what I want" thing to me, my heart starts whispering to me of whatever it is trying to tell me. And I have to say, it misleads sometimes. Confusion created when I wish to roll with the feeling, but my heart says no. Pulled by two sides isn’t really much of fun.
Hence I’m holding back most of the, say decisions. Maybe I should say, holding back of what I used to be known as “my self". Should this be good? I’d say, maybe I’ll miss some chances, by looking things clear enough, I might choose to let something go pass by as they just not ideal to my heart. Argh, I hated the feeling of walking my heart in a messed up confusions. Too much pressure? No,too many voices pounding in brain. I’m sitting in a frame I setup, nice and strong. I needed something to release the cage..
So I have the habit to play music often these days. Just, shout out what is so messed up inside of me. Working? I doubt but it does sometimes make me feel better…temporary.